Future

Life is just so out of control. I hate it. I hate it I just hate it. Sometimes I just feel that I could kill myself. What the hell is happening to this life of mine? Where is my future?! What am I doing now, at the age of 21??????
I-J-U-S-T-H-A-T-E-M-Y-L-I-F-E
I hate it when i dun see myself clearly. I hate it that the realistic is so clear, reflecting on my life, I hate it when I am forced to face with it. I hate myself for being not brave enough to go away from all this. And I hate my personality. I hate my look. I hate my character. I hate myself.
Why am I going through all this fucking hell?
And this is just me. I have no more future. I can't see it anymore. I can't see myself as what I want to be, as what I expect my life would be, and how my future is .

I can just see the repetition of life again. My mom's life on me. This is just what I do not want it to happen.
I loathe myself.